youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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