wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
