I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
