Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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