It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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