i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
