to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
