Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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