so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
