Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize