This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
