I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
