I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
