i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
