I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
