I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
a search helicopter?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Damn victory sex feels great
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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