You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize