everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
