I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
