College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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