Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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