shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
