she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
