i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize