I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
