dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
