Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
