Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
