you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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