Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
