i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
