Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
