god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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