Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
