he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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