What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
