I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
