chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
