Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
