called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
