i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
