We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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