why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
