she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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