We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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