Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
