Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
