Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
