I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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