It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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