how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We're too hungover to prance.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
