I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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