should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
