Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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