does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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