She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
