Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As shirtless as possible
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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