Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize