There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
