you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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