highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
