yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
