It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
