my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
