So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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