Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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